Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Can't Sum Up in 140 chars

(A little exercise in flow-of-tweetsciousness blogging...)

My brother cooked the Easter Bunny this year for Passover. The only time in my life I ever cooked rabbit — for Easter Sunday dinner, of course — I wound up in hospital a week later. Probably no direct connection there, but thank goodness I have a brother who can cook a fine rabbit dinner for me when a suitable occasion arises.

Stephen Colbert had a wonderful time tonight with the new "Passover Plagues" finger puppets you could actually purchase this year at Bed Bath & B—. Stephen expressed particular sympathy for the poor maligned "Death of the Firstborn Child" finger puppet. Stephen Colbert is back from hiatus with a tan, and he's gone from Applepious to Libertease, but he makes well-deserved jabs at Rush Limbaugh and Jim "Crème De Menthe" DeMint (R–SC), among others.

Here's "The Wørd" segment, or go to ColbertNation.com to watch the whole episode.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Napoleon Blown Apart
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorHealth Care Reform

One quick unsolicited endorsement: I am revisiting the sweet music of my friend Spencer Day's remarkable album Vagabond; "in stores now" (as they say) or on iTunes. Spencer Day is the proof that true poetry can still stand out, and that 21st-century songs can speak to something deeper than "wanna dance?" Modern Jazz isn't usually my style, but Spencer Day's smooth vocals and "genre-bending" scores launch his evocative lyrics over the moon.

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Monday, March 01, 2010

Colbert Distills Healthcare Partisanship (Transcript)

Quick transcript of Stephen Colbert’s insightful and incisive encapsulation of the sharp differences between Democratic and Republican viewpoints on healthcare reform, 2010-03-01 Colbert Report, copyright ©2010 Comedy Central. Embedded video and transcript below the fold.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Health Care Marriage Counseling
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorSkate Expectations

There are some people the President will sit down with any time: Congres­sional Repub­licans. On Thursday, he held a seven-hour televised summit on health­care. The only way it could’ve been more boring was if they were curling.

Now, folks, in the end, this summit gave us nothing — other than a tale to terrify genera­tions of children:
I even had one constituent [...] This poor woman had no dentures. She wore her dead sister’s teeth. — Rep. Louise Slaughter (D–NY)
And to this day, when the wind whips around the moor, you can still hear the teeth saying, “R-r-re­mem­ber to f-f-floss-s-s.”

Now, folks, with this “all-you-can-speak-nothing buffet,” I believe we missed an oppor­tu­nity to end the health­care stale­mate, because, to me, this summit seemed a lot like a seven-hour marriage coun­sel­ing ses­sion. And the reason there was no break­through is because one of the parties was not being emo­tion­ally honest. And I’m afraid in this case it was the Repub­licans. You see, Repub­licans and Demo­crats are like a hus­band and a wife. Now, clearly, the Repub­licans are the man, which means the Dem­o­crats are the woman — partly because they have no balls. And they’re in counseling because for the last year the Demo­crat wife has said she wants to have a baby, which is the health­care bill, and the Repub­lican husband is just saying what he thinks he ought to say. Listen to Repub­lican Eric Cantor (R–VA, House Minority Whip):
The reality is, Republicans do care about healthcare. — on NBC’s Meet the Press, 2010-02-21

We Republicans care about healthcare, just as the Democrats in this room. — at the Presi­den­tial healthcare summit, 2010-02-25
No, you don’t! If you did, you would’ve done something about it in the twelve years you ran Congress. Don’t hide your true feelings, guys! Repeat after me: “FUCK ’EM!” [audience cheers] If those “thirty” “million” “people” want health­care, let ’em get a better job, or join the Army, or go to Canada, or eat Flintstones® vitamins — it’s not our problem. Stop. faking. care-gasms. [audience laughs] Who knows — maybe the Demo­crats don’t want this baby, either. I mean, if they really cared about the uninsured, don’t you think they would’ve tried Single Payer or the Public Option? Hell — they could’ve insem­­i­nated themselves with that 60-seat super­majority. It’s like a “legis­la­tive turkey baster.” And I’m begin­ning to think the only one who wants this baby here is the coun­se­lor, Dr. Obama. Of course he wants it: as soon as it’s born, they’re gonna name the baby after him.

But, Republicans, I know if you admit you don’t want to be the father of this legis­la­tion, you’re afraid people will think you’re a monster. But isn’t it better for people to think you’re a monster than know you’re being dis­honest?? So pull out, guys. [audience laughs]

Besides — you’re never gonna get pregnant while both of you are in bed with the insur­ance companies.

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